I Was My Daddy's Angel; Now He Is Mine

I wrote a blog post called “Daddy’s Girl” on June 19, 2016, but I didn’t post it until December 4, 2016. I was angry with my Daddy because he didn’t like his Father’s Day gift that year. On November 3, 2024, my Daddy lost his battle with cancer and went to Heaven. I am grateful for the 8 years, 4 months, and 15 days I had with him after that post.

I am disappointed, however, that I wasted 5.5 months of the time I had left with him being angry over something stupid. I am glad I posted the blog when I did, and I didn’t get really petty and never posted it. My Daddy responded to the post: "It was good.” Not much, I know, but that was just how he was – a man of few words. And I miss his words now. I miss his voice, his smile, his hugs, his laugh. I miss being able to call and text him. I miss the confidence of his advice. I miss playing Scrabble on the phone with him all the time. I miss everything about him, who he was, and what he meant in my life. Yet, I see him daily now – LOL – more than when he was alive.

[DISCLAIMER: What follows are my own beliefs and experiences. You are entitled to your own opinion. And we can respectfully agree to disagree. I believe our loved ones watch over us after they pass away. I think they can see and hear us. Spirits can communicate from the other side as well. I believe that [legitimate] mediums have a very special spiritual gift, which is to be able to receive messages from the other side. I follow Tyler Henry and have watched the healing that occurs when people receive messages from their departed loved ones through him. In his books Here & Hereafter and Between Two Worlds, Tyler Henry discusses his experience as a medium and how he has learned to use and navigate the responsibility of his gift. In her book, The Light Between Us, Laura Lynne Jackson discusses her life as a medium and shares examples of ways spirits might make their presence known to us (e.g., manipulating electronic devices and lights).

Again, believe what you choose; these are my beliefs and experiences.] 

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming…

I have a rotating wallpaper on my phone. About 12-14 pictures are in the folder – my daughter, each of my dogs, my Daddy, etc. Each day, a different picture shows up. From November 4th through November 11th (the day of my Daddy’s memorial service), except two times when my deceased dog, Spanky, showed up, my Daddy’s picture was the wallpaper on my phone. On November 12th, my Uncle Buck gave me a note he’d helped my Daddy write to me. It said:

 Dear DAUGHTER,

I have had the pleasure of watching you grow from an innocent child to a woman of wisdom. In between the dashes, I saw a morning glory evolve into a four o’ clock and then to a rose, the most beautiful, most fragrant, most endurable of plants.

At various times, I became your gardener and tilled the soil, manuring it with love, patience and granules of wisdom that helped you form deep roots that probed the depths to find your meaning. You did not disappoint! The smile that is all encompassing; the energy that is directionally positive; the humility that always seeks the good; the wisdom to make sound choices for yourself and your family. You will never find anyone who can parallel the deep love, respect, and understanding that I have for my daughter, my constant, my Flower of Life! All the love! 

DADDY

Needless to say, that note accelerated my heart’s healing. After I received that note, my wallpaper started rotating again with one exception – my Daddy’s picture now pops up once or twice a day, and then it goes back to that day’s wallpaper. And every time I see him pop up, I can’t help but smile because he has the biggest smile ever in the wallpaper picture. The funny thing is his picture often pops up when I am cussing & fussing about something. LOL. Hmmmm….

[Note (this will be significant as the story continues): My stepmother was the love of my Daddy’s life! I’ve spent more time with her recently and learned she isn’t sleeping well. That is understandable, having slept next to your person for 41 years, now sleeping alone. Oddly, though, she wakes up around 3 AM or so every morning.] 

I spent Christmas Eve with my stepmother and siblings so we could do our Secret Santa exchange. I took my gifts from my stepmother home to open on Christmas. On Christmas Day, at 3:20 AM, my Daddy’s picture popped up on my phone when I would usually be asleep. I thought it was strange, but I said, “Merry Christmas, Daddy,” and went to bed. I woke up to my daughter Zari's picture as my daily wallpaper. She was the apple of my Daddy’s eye. When I went to open my stepmother's gifts, I noticed my Daddy's picture was on my phone AGAIN. So, I just chuckled & opened the gifts. One of the gifts was a bottle of Hendrick’s gin, which I’d introduced my stepmother to on a trip to Mexico. As I told my sister Mary the backstory of why my stepmother gave me Hendrick’s for Christmas, I said, "I just love her." And I kid you not: the lights started flickering in my house, and the electricity blinked off & came back on (so the clocks were flashing, you know). I looked down, and my Daddy's picture was replaced by my fur baby Darla [instead of going back to Zari’s picture]. So, I texted my Aunt Darla to check on my Uncle John (the youngest of the four Godfrey boys), who’d been battling cancer as well. 

My Uncle John had been at my Daddy’s memorial service. Despite going through chemotherapy, he was looking good and sounding strong. He was hospitalized soon after returning home but got better and went home. He was texting, “Unc is good. Headed home.” Then, soon after that, my Aunt Darla said he would likely be transitioning soon. Huh? Just like that? He, too, was losing his battle with cancer. And on December 26, 2024, only 53 days after my Daddy’s passing, my Uncle John went to be with God.

Coincidence? No way. Too many things align for it to be a random coincidence - the behavior of my phone's wallpaper, the specific three pictures that showed up on Christmas Day, the timing of my Daddy's picture showing up, the timing of the lights flickering, etc. As one of my dearest clients says, "Make it make sense." Some people say it's just God giving you the comfort you need when you need it. Okay. I can respect that, too. However, I didn't need comfort in that moment on Christmas Day. I was full of joy.

Anyway, when it comes to Daddies, let me tell you, Octavia and Bill Godfrey raised four strong, genius, stellar men who are, and were, the most excellent Daddies anyone could ask for. They are not perfect, of course, but my siblings, cousins, and I all know, without a doubt, that we are loved by all four of them. 

I worry about my uncles, Buck and Frank, because they take responsibility and family seriously. So, as the two oldest, I cannot imagine the plethora of feelings they are dealing with, having lost their two baby brothers in less than two months. To them, I say, “It’s okay not to be okay. Let us hold you up like you’ve always held us up.”

As in my original post, I encourage you to make the time to tell your Daddy, “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” “I forgive you,” “I need you,” “I miss you,” or whatever else you need to say TODAY. Tomorrow is not promised to us, not just in death; it could be brain injury, amnesia, dementia, coma, or anything that changes your Daddy into someone you don’t know, can’t communicate with, or who doesn’t remember you. Please don’t put it off any longer. We make time for what is important to us. So, if not now, then when?

Life Is More Like Blowing Bubbles Than A Box of Chocolates

Remember the joy of blowing bubbles as a kid (or maybe even as an adult with your kids? It seems simple: Dip the bubble wand in the soapy water solution, blow air into it, and watch the rainbow-colored bubbles float away. Yet bubbles are an excellent metaphor for how we show up in life.

Flexibility is the key to life.

Soap molecules are fantastically flexible, and water molecules are extremely elastic. No matter how you stretch a bubble, it will always return to a perfect sphere - the strongest geometric shape. Likewise, life sometimes stretches us out of shape, but we can also return to our strongest sense of self. It's called resilience.

Even diamonds require intense pressure to form solidly.
Unbeknownst to many, bubbles cannot be blown everywhere. Specifically, bubbles cannot be blown in space because there is no outside air pressure. For a bubble to form, the air trapped inside must build to match the outside pressure. Without the outside pressure, surface tension cannot be produced because it has nothing against which to resist. To grow in life, we must face external pressures as well. We are challenged to rise [internally] to meet the external pressures – showing our strength and fortitude.

Transparency and vulnerability allow our truth to be seen from all angles.
Bubbles are transparent; the colors often seem to change as they float around. Multiple colors of light waves bounce around, reflecting off the bubble's inner and outer surface and overlapping, creating different color combinations. These are called interference colors, including all the colors of the rainbow. The color combination we see depends on multiple factors: the angle of the light, the angle of the bubble, and the thickness of the bubble's "skin." Through our vulnerability, we allow others to see our many facets depending on the angle from which they are looking. Through our experiences, we reflect different color combinations depending on the situation, our sense of self, and our courage in showing our authentic selves.

Don't let your tank run dry.
Bubbles pop for two reasons: (1) a sharp or dry object touches the surface, or (2) the water layer evaporates, leaving the outer layer too thin to maintain the surface tension. There are two caveats to this, however: (1) if the surface is touched by a wet, instead of a dry, finger, it will not pop, and (2) in cold weather, the water layer evaporates slower, allowing bubbles to last longer (and float higher because the warmth of your breath is lighter than the cold air outside). We cannot control being "touched" by sharp-tongued, or abrasive, people any more than we can control the weather. However, we can control how we handle those energy vampires and how we weather the cold. We may have to push harder through the sting of life's bone-chilling cold fronts. Yet, we must ensure that all the water in our tank does not evaporate. Filling your tank is your responsibility; it is not selfish but necessary.

Kindness goes a long way and travels in a reciprocal ellipse.
If you add sugar to a soap and water solution, you can blow unpoppable bubbles. The sugar fortifies the bubble's wall, strengthening the bond holding the soap and water together. It also slows the water evaporation process so the bubble will last longer without popping. In addition, if you blow multiple bubbles close together, they will cling to each other, so they share a common wall, multiplying their strength. Additionally, different shapes, such as hexagons and cubes, can be made when multiple bubbles are connected. So, being kind to others, accepting kindness from others, and building a support community can "add some sugar to your solution," help you to be stronger than if you were alone, and support you as you morph into the person you want to be.

Remember to look at both sides of every coin.
I came across a few quotes about the correlation between bubbles and life; all were negative. They all focused on bubbles' fragility, not knowing how long they would last and that, ultimately, they would pop. Why would you waste time blowing bubbles if that's all you had to look forward to? Truthfully, bubbles can be just as powerful as they are fragile (e.g. under the sea they can wreak havoc on ships & in the bloodstream they can cause fatal emergencies). 

When I think of blowing bubbles, I think about how amazed I was as a little girl at how beautiful and magical they seemed, my daughter's smiling face and wondrous eyes when I first blew bubbles for her, and her infectious laughter as she chased them and tried to catch them. As with any situation in life, you have a choice. You can allow the negativity of a situation to consume you, burst your bubble, and suck you into a dark vortex. Or you can find the grace, lesson, joy, or whatever positivity you can identify and allow it to help you float higher and higher. Here's a prime example:

My Daddy lost his battle with cancer on 11/3/24, and his baby brother, my Uncle John, lost his battle with cancer on 12/26/24. Losing my Daddy was a soul-crushing pain. Rather than focusing on the sadness

of losing my Uncle John so soon after my Daddy, I've been more focused on the compassion I feel for my two uncles, who've lost their two baby brothers in less than two months and my stepmom and Aunt Darla who've lost their best friend and life partner after decades of daily interaction. I thought I would be drowning in grief, but I am not. I love and miss them both. Yet, every time I see my Daddy's picture pop up on my phone, I smile, say, "Hey, Daddy," and remember the wonderful things he taught me and how he contributed to who I am today. When I think of my Uncle John and his tremendous faith, I imagine the two of them in Heaven together, happy and healthy, having a great time watching over all of us. Knowing the love we shared, and how much they both poured into me, makes me feel like I could float to the highest height without my bubble ever bursting!

I encourage you to buy and play with a bottle of bubbles throughout 2025. This will remind you to pay attention each day and make the necessary choices so that your bubbles will float high and last long!

What is Love?

Love (noun) \ ˈləv  \ :

1.a:

1. strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties

2. attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers

3. affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests

1.b: an assurance of affection

2. warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion

3.a: the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration

3.b:

              1. a beloved person: DARLING – often used as a term of endearment

              2. British – used as an informal term of address

4.a: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: such as

              1. the fatherly concern of God for humankind

              2. brotherly concern for others

4.b: a person’s adoration of God

5. a god (such as Cupid or Eros) of personification of love

6. an amorous episode: LOVE AFFAIR

7. the sexual embrace: COPULATION

8. a score of zero (as in tennis)

9. capitalized, Christian Science: GOD

Synonyms: affection, respect, devotion, passion

Antonyms: hate, hatred, dislike, hostility, loathing

Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Love. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved September 19, 2024, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/love

According to Merriam-Webster, " love " has seventeen different definitions. It can be a feeling, a term of endearment, a Godly benevolence, a personification, an episode, a sexual act, or a tennis score. It has synonyms and antonyms, but no definition alone seems to suffice.

Let’s compare some Biblical translations about love as written in 1 Corinthians 13:

Amplified Bible	The New Living Translation	The Message
Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. Love never fails [it never fades nor ends].	Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. But love will last forever!	So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. Love never dies.

I’ve been doing therapy for over 15 years and have heard many definitions of love. People say, “I love you,” with tears in their eyes. People say, “I love you,” with venom. I ask couples why they want to stay together, and they inevitably say, “Because I love them.” Couples stay together in miserable, sexless, cold, lonely marriages because they “love” each other. People attack each other viciously, both verbally and physically, and finish their assault with, “But I love you.” Seriously?

How can you say something hurtful and mean AND “I love you” out of the same mouth? How can you lie or cheat on someone you claim to love and still look them in the eye and say, “I love you”? How do you live in the same house, not speak to each other, sleep in separate bedrooms, and still say, “I love you”?

Love isn’t just something said to placate, silence, or appease someone. It’s not just words at all. While it is defined as a noun, it functions better as a verb. When you truly love someone, your actions and words must be CONGRUENT. Love is not just one action either (e.g., “I cook dinner” or “I buy you gifts”); it’s a plethora of different actions that manifest in various situations.

When reading “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” Clint Black was intrigued by the suggestion “that our relationships — all of them — would be more successful if we treated love as a verb instead of a noun.” So much so that he wrote his song, “What We Do,” which says:

Love is certain, love is kind

Love is yours and love is mine

But it isn't something that we find

It's something that we do

It's holding tight, lettin' go

It's flying high and laying low

Let your strongest feelings show

And your weakness, too

It's a little and a lot to ask

An endless and a welcome task

Love isn't something that we have

It's something that we do

 

We help to make each other all that we can be

Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently 

The way we work together is what sets our love apart 

So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start

 

We're on a road that has no end 

And each day we begin again 

Love's not just something that we're in 

It's something that we do

 

We help to make each other all that we can be 

Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently 

The way we work together is what sets our love apart 

So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start

 

Love is wide, love is long 

Love is deep and love is strong

 

There's no request too big or small 

We give ourselves, we give our all 

Love isn't someplace that we fall 

It's something that we do

These lyrics represent love as defined in the dictionary and the Bible, but more importantly, as defined in his heart through his experiences. Love means different things to different people.

Love is a refuge from life’s storms. It is peaceful and safe, not scary and threatening. Love is life-affirming, not life-ending. Babies failing to thrive will grow and heal simply by being touched by loving hands. There was a program at the local trauma center in Atlanta, Grady Hospital, where older women simply rocked the babies in the NICU. They didn’t have to say anything. Those babies lived because they felt loved by the warmth of the touch and the embraces they experienced. That’s how powerful love is. We need to feel love in our souls, not just know it in our heads.

Knowing someone loves you and hearing “I love you” will only take you so far. Feeling someone’s love for you is knowing love in the depths of your soul and hearing the soft whisper of a beautiful song in your heart. Love is sacrificing without complaint or resentment. True love lasts through the worst of times. Love is clearly recognizable.

Let me leave you with a story that showed me what true love is:

I was a nurse at the Shepherd Center, an Atlanta spinal cord rehab hospital. I saw patients with minimal to no visitors while in the hospital. I signed divorce papers once for a quadriplegic who couldn’t use his hands or arms; then I wiped his tears. My heart broke for those patients whose love was abandoned at the worst time of their lives. Then, I met a couple who healed my hope.

This couple had been in a rollover accident in a pickup truck. The truck rolled over the woman and paralyzed her from about the nipples down. So, she had no use of her arms, hands, torso, or legs – shoulders and head only. Her husband was with her every day from the minute visiting hours started to the minute they ended. He attended her therapies and wanted to know everything happening with her.

One day, he asked me if I could teach him how to shave his wife’s legs. “That was always really important to her,” he said. So, I taught him, and he shaved her legs. Another day, he asked me if I could teach him how to paint his wife’s toenails. “She loved getting her toes done,” he said. So, I taught him, and he painted her toenails. Because she couldn’t feel anything, she slept through these activities.

When the woman woke up and saw her little red toenails poking up from under the sheets, though, she broke down crying. She looked at me and said, “Thank you. That was so sweet of you.” I explained that her husband had actually done her nails for her, and she started balling. He immediately started apologizing for it not being as good a job as they do at the salon. Then, this conversation ensued:

Wife: It’s not that. I just don’t understand WHY you did that. Why would you do that? 

Husband: [Looking incredulous and confused]. What do you mean, “why”? You love getting your toes done!

Wife: No, you don’t get it. Why would you do that for me NOW? Look at me!

Husband: I am looking at you! What are you talking about? You’re my wife.

Wife: I can’t even be a wife to you anymore. LOOK AT ME! There is nothing I can do for you anymore!

Husband: You are the love of my life. You, not your body. You are still beautiful to me. The woman I fell in love with, the woman I married, is still INSIDE. I LOVE YOU! And I will always do whatever I can to show you how much I love and care about you. You have done so much for me all these years; it’s my turn to take care of you.

Finally, he dried her tears, kissed her gently, and went home for the evening. And I went home with a whole new understanding of what love was. Love was never leaving his wife’s side. Love was ensuring he learned how to take care of her post-injury. Love was inspiring her to keep going. Love was intimately knowing the little things that made her happy and learning to do those things for her. Love was valuing the woman she was on the inside, not what was different about her body post-injury. Love was reassuring her that he was her ride or die “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death. 

That is what love was, is, and will forever be.