What is Love?

 Love (noun) \ ˈləv  \ :

1.a:

1. strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties

2. attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers

3. affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests

1.b: an assurance of affection

2. warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion

3.a: the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration

3.b:

              1. a beloved person: DARLING – often used as a term of endearment

              2. British – used as an informal term of address

4.a: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: such as

              1. the fatherly concern of God for humankind

              2. brotherly concern for others

4.b: a person’s adoration of God

5. a god (such as Cupid or Eros) of personification of love

6. an amorous episode: LOVE AFFAIR

7. the sexual embrace: COPULATION

8. a score of zero (as in tennis)

9. capitalized, Christian Science: GOD

Synonyms: affection, respect, devotion, passion

Antonyms: hate, hatred, dislike, hostility, loathing

Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Love. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved September 19, 2024, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/love

According to Merriam-Webster, " love " has seventeen different definition iterations. It’s a feeling, term of endearment, Godly benevolence, personification, episode, sexual act, and tennis score. It has synonyms and antonyms. But no definition alone seems to suffice.

Let’s compare some Biblical translations about love as written in 1 Corinthians 13:

Amplified Bible	The New Living Translation	The Message
Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. Love never fails [it never fades nor ends].	Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. But love will last forever!	So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. Love never dies.

I’ve been doing therapy for over 15 years and have heard many definitions of love. People say, “I love you,” with tears in their eyes. People say, “I love you,” with venom. I ask couples why they want to stay together, and they inevitably say, “Because I love them.” Couples stay together in miserable, sexless, cold, lonely marriages because they “love” each other. People attack each other viciously, both verbally and physically, and finish their assault with, “But I love you.” Seriously?

How can you say something hurtful and mean AND “I love you” out of the same mouth? How can you lie or cheat on someone you claim to love and still look them in the eye and say, “I love you”? How do you live in the same house, not speak to each other, sleep in separate bedrooms, and still say, “I love you”?

Love isn’t just something said to placate, silence, or appease someone. It’s not just words at all. While it is defined as a noun, it functions better as a verb. When you truly love someone, your actions and words must be CONGRUENT. Love is not just one action either (e.g., “I cook dinner” or “I buy you gifts”); it’s a plethora of different actions that manifest in various situations.

When reading “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” Clint Black was intrigued by the suggestion “that our relationships — all of them — would be more successful if we treated love as a verb instead of a noun.” So much so that he wrote his song, “What We Do,” which says:

Love is certain, love is kind
Love is yours and love is mine
But it isn't something that we find
It's something that we do
It's holding tight, lettin' go
It's flying high and laying low
Let your strongest feelings show
And your weakness, too
It's a little and a lot to ask
An endless and a welcome task
Love isn't something that we have
It's something that we do

We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start

We're on a road that has no end
And each day we begin again
Love's not just something that we're in
It's something that we do

We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start

Love is wide, love is long
Love is deep and love is strong

There's no request too big or small
We give ourselves, we give our all
Love isn't someplace that we fall
It's something that we do

These lyrics represent love as defined in the dictionary and the Bible, but more importantly, as defined in his heart through his experiences. Love means different things to different people.

Love is a refuge from life’s storms. It is peaceful and safe, not scary and threatening. Love is life-affirming, not life-ending. Babies failing to thrive will grow and heal simply by being touched by loving hands. There was a program at the local trauma center in Atlanta, Grady Hospital, where older women simply rocked the babies in the NICU. They didn’t have to say anything. Those babies lived because they felt loved by the warmth of the touch and the embraces they experienced. That’s how powerful love is. We need to feel love in our souls, not just know it in our heads.

Knowing someone loves you and hearing “I love you” will only take you so far. Feeling someone’s love for you is knowing love in the depths of your soul and hearing the soft whisper of a beautiful song in your heart. Love is sacrificing without complaint or resentment. True love lasts through the worst of times. Love is clearly recognizable.

Let me leave you with a story that showed me what true love is:

I was a nurse at the Shepherd Center, an Atlanta spinal cord rehab hospital. I saw patients with minimal to no visitors while in the hospital. I signed divorce papers once for a quadriplegic who couldn’t use his hands or arms; then I wiped his tears. My heart broke for those patients whose love was abandoned at the worst time of their lives. Then, I met a couple who healed my hope.

This couple had been in a rollover accident in a pickup truck. The truck rolled over the woman and paralyzed her from about the nipples down. So, she had no use of her arms, hands, torso, or legs – shoulders and head only. Her husband was with her every day from the minute visiting hours started to the minute they ended. He attended her therapies and wanted to know everything happening with her.

One day, he asked me if I could teach him how to shave his wife’s legs. “That was always really important to her,” he said. So, I taught him, and he shaved her legs. Another day, he asked me if I could teach him how to paint his wife’s toenails. “She loved getting her toes done,” he said. So, I taught him, and he painted her toenails. Because she couldn’t feel anything, she slept through these activities.

When the woman woke up and saw her little red toenails poking up from under the sheets, though, she broke down crying. She looked at me and said, “Thank you. That was so sweet of you.” I explained that her husband had actually done her nails for her, and she started balling. He immediately started apologizing for it not being as good a job as they do at the salon. Then, this conversation ensued:

Wife: It’s not that. I just don’t understand WHY you did that. Why would you do that? 

Husband: [Looking incredulous and confused]. What do you mean, “why”? You love getting your toes done!

Wife: No, you don’t get it. Why would you do that for me NOW? Look at me!

Husband: I am looking at you! What are you talking about? You’re my wife.

Wife: I can’t even be a wife to you anymore. LOOK AT ME! There is nothing I can do for you anymore!

Husband: You are the love of my life. You, not your body. You are still beautiful to me. The woman I fell in love with, the woman I married, is still INSIDE. I LOVE YOU! And I will always do whatever I can to show you how much I love and care about you. You have done so much for me all these years; it’s my turn to take care of you.

Finally, he dried her tears, kissed her gently, and went home for the evening. And I went home with a whole new understanding of what love was. Love was never leaving his wife’s side. Love was ensuring he learned how to take care of her post-injury. Love was inspiring her to keep going. Love was intimately knowing the little things that made her happy and learning to do those things for her. Love was valuing the woman she was on the inside, not what was different about her body post-injury. Love was reassuring her that he was her ride or die “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death. 

That is what love was, is, and will forever be.

Stress Can Be Cured With Joy

I just realized that I have not posted anything this entire year. And as I thought about why, I realized that my entire year has been consumed with STRESS. Seems like all day, every day, I am stressed out about one thing: MONEY. To me, financial stress is the worst because you have very little control and/or power to fix it. And here on Earth, we need money, not manna, to survive. 

I’m not sure what happened. If you look at my bank account, it appears that I am making money. But, somehow, I never see it. I don’t know if it is secretly being stolen or what. I do not shop for clothes, shoes, purses, or jewelry. In fact, I hate to shop. I rarely go out to eat. I don’t go to clubs, bars, or even to the movies. I only get my hair and nails done once per month. I don’t go on extravagant vacations. I don’t have six months’ worth of expenses in savings. So, where is my money?! 

My money has been so scarce this year that I battled foreclosure, repossession of my car, bill collectors calling incessantly, and watched my credit score go lower than it has ever been in my life because of late & missed payments. 

I know better than to allow stress to compound or become chronic, though, because stress can kill you! Stress causes a plethora of problems including, but not limited to, headaches, digestive upset, weight gain, irritability, and insomnia. Stress suppresses your immunity to common illnesses, increases your cortisol levels, and inflames the circulatory system. When stress is not dealt with effectively, it can lead from symptoms to actual disease and/or death. For example, chronic stress causes chronic inflammation of the circulatory system which causes hypertension, heart disease, heart attack, stroke, and possibly death. In addition to physical symptoms and disease, your mental health is negatively affected as well. Stress can affect our memory, comprehension, and focus. You find yourself unable to gather your thoughts, finish projects, or even keep your house clean. This disruption can lead to depression, anxiety, lack of motivation, self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, and possibly suicide. 

Yet, stress is a natural reaction… unless your fight-flight-freeze button gets stuck in the on position… 

This all started when my mortgage company DOUBLED my mortgage OVERNIGHT with NO WARNING! I got a regular bill in February and a bill for twice as much in March. There was no way I could pay double my mortgage. I was making ends meet with the mortgage I had and was getting excited about refinancing so it could go even lower. So, March began the Job season from Hell! 

And wouldn’t you know it, we were studying the book of Job in my Community Bible Study class. Ugh! I have often told God, “I am not Job! I will curse you and die! So, don’t bet on me against Satan; I am not Job!” LOL. Well, I guess God finally called my bluff because before I knew it, I was in a Job season like never before. Every month got worse and worse – less money, more debt. Yet, I am working my ass off seeing more clients than I care to because new clients continue to be referred. Which led to my next conversation with God.

          I am not sure what’s going on up there, Lord, but I am drowning down here.  You ask me to show up every day and answer the calling you put on my life. And I do it willingly and with joy in my heart. I pour out to people every single day of my life while very little gets poured back in. So, what would You have me do, Lord? I cannot work any more hours than I already work. I cannot make any more money than I already make because I don’t have time to write books or facilitate workshops much less have the money to finance anything like that. You have not yet blessed me with a Godly husband and I cannot afford to take time off to rejuvenate. How am I supposed to be fully present with those You send my way if I am consumed with worry about my own financial demise? So, I am at Your mercy. You’ve got me hemmed up and held hostage because You know I cannot make a move without You. I’ve applied to jobs; You have said, “No.” So, I am just not sure what to do, Lord. I cannot pour from an empty vessel. And I cannot live on Earth without enough money to pay my bills! Please help me, Lord God – not just to pay my bills but to have a cushion so I feel safe and financially secure, please!! 

And then there were crickets… no answer, not one sound. It was like I was on call block and my messages were not getting through. As children, we learn that when you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. So, that’s what I did. I didn’t cuss. I didn’t fuss. I asked for prayer for my finances. I repented for not being a good steward of my money (e.g., Walmart and Amazon). And I conceded that God’s will would be done, not mine. I can’t say that I was afraid or even angry – just numb, really. I didn’t understand why God was not talking to me and allowing me to drown financially. 

One day, as I was looking in the backyard, I saw all the things I’d bought to set up a prayer space to spend time with God – a task He’d given me at the first of the year. I kept saying I’d get to it but as of the summertime, I still had not done it. Bill collectors were calling daily. Threats of foreclosure were coming in the mail. My house was getting cluttered and messy because I was not motivated to do anything beyond show up for work. The only choice I felt I had was to have faith. Faith and fear require the same amount of energy and they both require that you believe in something not seen. Fear was not going to help my situation; so, faith it was. I would just have to Forward All Issues To Heaven (FAITH). 

And still, the money was not coming like I needed. Imagine, for example, going from $3,000 deposits, making almost $10,000 per month to $300 deposits, making only about $4,000 per month. It’s not a sustainable budget when your mortgage goes from $1500 to $3000! You feel me?! 

In August, I started creating my “sanctuary.” With my friend Mary’s help, we cleared a path through the thicket in my backyard, found an open area, built a platform, and set up a tent. I decorated the tent with purple carpets and lights and furnished it with a desk/coffee table, floor chair, and pillows. I surrounded the outside with rocks that have random scriptures etched on them and placed a beautiful angel outside to guard each side of the door. And by September, I had a private place to go and be with God – to pray, meditate, listen, study, and worship. 

During this time, a good friend, and soror, told me I should contact the Georgia Mortgage Assistance Program (GMAP). So, I did. As soon as my sanctuary was complete, I received a message from GMAP saying they were going to pay off my past due balance plus three extra months ahead to help me get back on my feet! Then, enough money showed up for me to catch up on my car note; so, the repossession process stopped as well. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!! I thought I had survived my Job season and was headed toward restoration like Job! 

But that’s not what happened. You probably thought you were going to get a huge praise report about how God restored all that I had lost, and more, like He did for Job. Well, that is not what has happened so far. He saved my house, and He saved my car. Absolutely! And I am beyond grateful for His grace. Yet, I am still left wondering how I am going to pay a $3000 mortgage in January, how I am ever going to get caught up, and if I am going to be facing the same stress next year. 

As much as I know God does not need my help, I am human. So, I’ve played the lottery – just $2 here and there, applied for over 50 full-time jobs with a steady paycheck and benefits, applied for grants, tried to collect balances owed to me from clients, and even drafted an awesome workshop I’d like to facilitate next year – all to “give God a way to bless me financially.” LOL. It sounds crazy I know but I just don’t believe the kind of money I’m asking for is just going to show up in my bank account or be given to me by a random stranger. 

I am not asking to become a millionaire. But I am asking God to make me debt-free, and a million dollars would do just that. I could pay off my house, student loans, credit cards, people I owe, utilities, and my car and once again have a clean slate. Being debt-free is a freedom like no other and I have been there ONCE in my life. And I want that feeling back – where I can just take a full breath, knowing my bills are paid and will continue to be paid, and thanking God for more than provision. God knows my heart is not selfish. I also want to be able to help my clients when I can. I like to send books and things that I believe will help them, if they cannot afford, or would not think to purchase them. I have sent many different things to clients, including, but not limited to, MCAT study books, fidget gadgets, nail polish, cards, tea, dammit dolls, travel books, plane tickets, etc. And I feel powerless to help beyond sitting in my therapy chair these days. 

So, why did I write this blog post today? I write whatever is on my mind, first of all. I hadn’t written anything all year. I needed to vent, confess, repent, and praise God publicly for all He has done for me. And I wanted to let you all know what JOY is. Because despite everything I have suffered through this year - my credit tanking, my bank account still being incredibly low, and no idea about what money, if any, will come anytime soon, I want for nothing! I have so much for which to be grateful and my heart and spirit are filled with JOY! I love the Lord. He hears my cry. And I thank Him that I can: 

• Walk • Talk • See • Hear • Read • Write • Comprehend • Breathe on my own • Feed myself • Bathe myself • Dress myself • Toilet myself • Feel people hug me • Shepherd His sheep 

And that I have: 

• A personal relationship with Him • His grace • His mercy • His Word • A cherished Bible study group • A sanctuary • Food • Clothes • Shelter • A good education • A career I love • Some money in the bank • Friends • Family • Love • Laughter • Twin Frenchies • A horse • A car • Hopes • Dreams • Ambition • Faith • Creativity • Health • Strength • Wisdom and • A life, filled with opportunities, that He did not allow me to end! 

That is JOY!!! Happiness takes a lot for some people, and they still don’t achieve it. My mom always said, “The less it takes to make you happy, the happier you will be.” How true! Because at the end of the day, tangible things never really fill that void completely. Tangible things cannot speak God’s peace into your spirit, pray for you, or comfort you when you are disparaged. Happiness is circumstantial. It can be ruined at the drop of a hat. And it doesn’t require you to go too deep or to be vulnerable. But JOY is something we must consciously and intentionally choose to create for ourselves. Joy lives deep within and can be tapped into even in your darkest hour. Joy comes from grace – the grace that we show ourselves, the grace we show others, and the grace God shows us each day that we wake. 

Research has shown that increasing positive emotions like joy, contentment, and enthusiasm, helps reduce stress acutely and may also protect our health long-term. Researchers recommend we engage in activities we enjoy, build strong relationships, walk away from drama, exercise, rest, and find a therapist to help us process stress. Clinically, professionally, and personally, I concur with all the above. 

So, my wish for all who read this is to create true JOY in your life in 2024 by prioritizing the truly lasting, important things in life – some of which, and whom, we take for granted daily. Make connections. Make memories. Open your heart and mind to EXPERIENCE life fully with no regrets. Don’t wait for “someday” because tomorrow is not promised to any of us. Create JOY however you want to – check off your bucket list, renew an old friendship, learn a new hobby or language, etc. - today and every day in the future! 

Other than God’s, you don’t need anyone’s permission, approval, or provision to do you, Boo!

If I Could Turn Back Time

Do you ever think to yourself: “Geez, if I could turn back time…” or “If I could have a do-over knowing then what I know now…”? What would you change and why? How would your life look? Would you be who you are today if you went back and made changes? 

 

If I could turn back time, I would definitely have a different life than I do today.

 

I would’ve had the same parents, but they would be more emotionally available and speak my love languages. Maybe I would listen to them more. Maybe I wouldn’t have given my dad the phone when his mistress called our house. Then, my mom wouldn’t have gotten mad at me even though I was just a kid and had no idea my family was being torn apart.

 

I would’ve visited my grandmother when she asked me to instead of choosing to cheer instead. Had I known I’d never get the chance to see her again, I would’ve gone to visit and not put it off. Losing her definitely hurt more than not cheering at a football game would have.

 

I would’ve paid more attention and asked more questions when my parents were getting divorced. Then, I would’ve known that my dad loved me and fought for me to be with him. And had I known that, I wouldn’t have been so promiscuous. I wouldn’t have had the need because I wouldn’t have had the void to fill. Growing up, I almost always based my worth on how my dad saw me, or what he thought of me, until I learned better.  But knowing how much my dad loved me would’ve helped me love myself and demand the same from others. I wouldn’t have become a rescuer or an emotional chaser. I probably would’ve been more focused on school & trying to be as smart and successful as my dad. Perhaps I wouldn’t have felt the need to sacrifice so much to prove that I am lovable only to get hurt time & time again.

 

If I could turn back time, I would have put much more time & effort into playing soccer [competitively]; at least for a scholarship. Not that I’d have forfeited my academic scholarships but maybe I’d have had both.

 

I would’ve gone to the University of Alaska like I wanted so I wouldn’t have had to come home and deal with life. I would have majored in nursing perhaps or maybe stayed on the pre-med course. I definitely still think I’d have ended up in health care. Had I not gone to Simmons, though, I never would’ve met my friend Leah or my mentor, Francine. I never would have met Pam or Ellie while running a “lifers” group at Framingham WCI. I doubt if I would’ve embraced my power as a woman as I did at Simmons. Or maybe I would’ve chosen Barnard or Wellesley. Things would’ve been different, most definitely, but not necessarily better.

 

Had I chosen a  different college, maybe I wouldn’t have been raped the 1^st time at that abandoned house after riding the T (Boston public transportation) alone. Then, maybe I’d never have had to move home and go to UGA where I was raped [again] by two bastards who claimed to be my friends. Maybe I would be able to enjoy sex without being afraid or anxious. Maybe I wouldn’t believe that men feel entitled to fuck me, suck me, and touch me just because I’m “fine as hell” or “beautiful” or “sexy;” and hate them for it. I don’t know but maybe. I know I wouldn’t be able to replay that night in my head 33 years later because it would never have happened.

 

If I’d gotten an actual usable degree, maybe I wouldn’t have had a nervous breakdown because I hated myself, my life, and my first job so damn much. Maybe I wouldn’t have ended up spending 30 days in the mental hospital after trying to kill myself for the 3^rd time. But then again, that’s where I found my worth & my purpose – on that [East] Indian nurse’s lap one night as she rocked me and told me “everything is going to be okay.”

 

If I could do life over, I hope that I would learn my worth a lot earlier in life. I hope I would’ve learned to value myself even when no one else did. Then, I wouldn’t have settled for all the schmucks I’ve dated in my life – the cheaters, liars, freaks, abusers, emotionally immature & unavailable. Maybe I would’ve picked a good man and had a happy 20+ year marriage. I definitely would’ve been more cognizant of character over looks. Money over minds. Reality over potential. 

 

I doubt if I’d be self-employed if I did life over again. It’s just too hard as much as it is freeing. You really need a solid support system to maintain a comfortable, secure self-employed life; a second income [with benefits] wouldn’t hurt.

 

I definitely would’ve learned a helluva lot more about money & credit!! I would’ve been a penny-pinching miser and held onto every dime I made or received. I would’ve paid cash for everything or maybe gotten ONE credit card, used it ONE time, and then paid it off just so I could have perfect credit [as an adult]. But I would have plenty in the bank for a rainy day. I would’ve saved up until I could buy a house built from the ground up to all my “short girl” specifications.

 

I would not have children. I would not get married [to the two men I chose]. I would work out more so I could still be sexy at 52 and full of energy. I would find my own spiritual path as well. The older I get, the more I question this “God” in whom we believe. The teachings don’t make sense when you really think about it. We signed up to suffer [here on Earth] and have abundant life [in Heaven]. Is that the reward for living in Hell on Earth? Abundant life when you are no longer alive? I’m still wrestling with that one daily. If I could turn back time, I would read about and study different religions and different forms of spirituality to see what made sense and what felt right in my spirit instead of just accepting what I was taught without questioning any of it.

 

At first, I thought I would’ve wanted my parents to stay together so as not to face the trauma of my dad walking out. But then, I realized, I just would’ve wanted things to have happened a different way. My parents would not have had a happy marriage if they were still together. So it wouldn’t have been the best thing. 

 

There are so many things I would do differently if I had it to do over again. I can’t say that any of it would make me happy though. The two most important things that would make me happy, I either cannot have or are out of my control. So, even if I went back in time, I couldn’t change those things.

 

I would marry my soulmate, my twin flame, the love of my life [if he was who he is today]. I would love him to life and live happily ever after for the rest of our days. Had he been my husband all along, my daughter would not be strung out on drugs because she actually listened to him. But, again, I would not choose to have children if I had a chance to do life over again. I would prefer being free and wealthy! Back then, however, my soulmate may have destroyed me because of who he was and what he was going through. I couldn’t change him going back to do my life over again – he would be the same. I may have believed I could love him enough to make his life great but that is never the truth for anyone. I probably would have died trying though.  So, maybe that wouldn’t be the best thing ether. 

 

So many things I wish were different. Different family. Different experiences. Different financial structure and knowledge. Different level of street sense and practical knowledge. Different spiritual base. Different friends. Different men. Different life. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my life as it is for the most part. It is what it is. I can’t go back in time. I can’t unring any bells. I can’t take away any pain I’ve suffered. I can’t change any bad decisions or regrets. I cannot change what I was taught as a child. I cannot change the bad or the good because it is in the past. It’s done.

 

All those things have made me who I am today. And yet, as proud as I am of my journey and the woman I have become, I am still haunted by the whispers of:

·      never being chosen

·      never being good enough

·      never finding anyone to love me as deeply & selflessly as I love them

·      never being more than financially secure but comfortable

·      never being debt free [again]

·      never being carefree and happy-go-lucky with nothing about which to stress

 

And in the darkest places of my soul, despite how hard I work to create joy and have peace in my life, I still think to myself:

If I could turn back time, if I could have a do-over, I would have made damn sure to cut my wrists vertically rather than horizontally to make damn sure my first suicide attempt had been successful. Then I wouldn’t have to think of any it because the last 36 years would not have happened. The only pain I would have suffered would have been my father leaving. No other pain, sorrow, sadness, or letdowns would have happened.

 

But I know that is not really an option. I cannot go back; only forward. So, what am I going to do differently to make my life better for me? How am I going to breathe life into myself? How am I going to get financially comfortable? How am I going to love myself [more] and [continue to] create joy in my life on a daily basis? For what am I going to hold myself accountable? How am I going to be truly okay with being alone and not being chosen? It’s all up to me because I am responsible for creating my legacy and fulfilling my destiny! Just me! There is no one at whom I can point fingers or on whom I can place blame for my life circumstances. I can have better if I put in the effort. The choice is mine. There is no failure unless I QUIT!