You have to be strong to be humble. Sounds almost like an oxymoron. When I first heard Bishop TD Jakes say the words, they didn't resonate. However, when I heard them again, upon listening to his series, "A Lesson in Humility," the words hit me like a ton of bricks. Being a therapist, puts me in a very vulnerable place with people. When clients have gotten to a point in life where they have reached out for support and counseling, typically, life, a specific situation, or their level of self-knowledge, has become too much to deal with. The most self-assured people walking amongst us are those that are the most humble. They have no need to boast and brag. They have no need to list their degrees or accomplishments. They go through their daily life, doing the extraordinary or the ordinary, without looking for acknowledgement or validation. These people have most, if not all, their needs met because they have learned how to meet them for themselves. They do not rely on or wait on others to provide external validation concerning their self-definition or self-worth.
On the flipside of that coin are people that hide behind the façade of arrogance or narcissism. These people are constantly seeking validation for anything and everything they do. They get angry when they are not acknowledged. They get offended when their opinions and are not treated as “the end all be all." At times, whether intentionally or unintentionally, they treat others as though they are stupid. Overall, these are broken people who would rather walk through the fires of Hell in gasoline draws than to admit they don't like themselves.
Most people, who know me, know that my life has been a journey full of ups and downs. I have been to the depths of Hell several times; but have made it back over and over again. I believe I was called to counseling because I am able to understand the depth and intensity of human pain; and but represent, at the same time, the rise of the Phoenix. We are all our worst critics. Unfortunately, there are people who need external validation the way diabetics need insulin. They are so incredibly broken and empty on the inside that they try desperately to fill their love tank with anything and everything they think will work. What they find out, unfortunately, is that no matter how much external validation they receive, it is never enough. External sources will eventually, at one point or another, let you down.
I challenge all of you who read this blog to fill your own love tanks and stop giving the power to others to determine your self-worth. I further challenge you to forward this blog to your friends and encourage them to fill their own love tanks as well. If you are an enabler, I give you permission to let go of the feelings of responsibility that you have been carrying – feeling like it is your job to make someone in your life feel good about him or herself. As friends, spouses, and significant others, our only responsibility [to other adults in our lives] is to support their belief in themselves – not to create that belief for them.
