I wrote a blog post called “Daddy’s Girl” on June 19, 2016, but I didn’t post it until December 4, 2016. I was angry with my Daddy because he didn’t like his Father’s Day gift that year. On November 3, 2024, my Daddy lost his battle with cancer and went to Heaven. I am grateful for the 8 years, 4 months, and 15 days I had with him after that post.
I am disappointed, however, that I wasted 5.5 months of the time I had left with him being angry over something stupid. I am glad I posted the blog when I did, and I didn’t get really petty and never posted it. My Daddy responded to the post: "It was good.” Not much, I know, but that was just how he was – a man of few words. And I miss his words now. I miss his voice, his smile, his hugs, his laugh. I miss being able to call and text him. I miss the confidence of his advice. I miss playing Scrabble on the phone with him all the time. I miss everything about him, who he was, and what he meant in my life. Yet, I see him daily now – LOL – more than when he was alive.
[DISCLAIMER: What follows are my own beliefs and experiences. You are entitled to your own opinion. And we can respectfully agree to disagree. I believe our loved ones watch over us after they pass away. I think they can see and hear us. Spirits can communicate from the other side as well. I believe that [legitimate] mediums have a very special spiritual gift, which is to be able to receive messages from the other side. I follow Tyler Henry and have watched the healing that occurs when people receive messages from their departed loved ones through him. In his books Here & Hereafter and Between Two Worlds, Tyler Henry discusses his experience as a medium and how he has learned to use and navigate the responsibility of his gift. In her book, The Light Between Us, Laura Lynne Jackson discusses her life as a medium and shares examples of ways spirits might make their presence known to us (e.g., manipulating electronic devices and lights).
Again, believe what you choose; these are my beliefs and experiences.]
Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming…
I have a rotating wallpaper on my phone. About 12-14 pictures are in the folder – my daughter, each of my dogs, my Daddy, etc. Each day, a different picture shows up. From November 4th through November 11th (the day of my Daddy’s memorial service), except two times when my deceased dog, Spanky, showed up, my Daddy’s picture was the wallpaper on my phone. On November 12th, my Uncle Buck gave me a note he’d helped my Daddy write to me. It said:
Dear DAUGHTER,
I have had the pleasure of watching you grow from an innocent child to a woman of wisdom. In between the dashes, I saw a morning glory evolve into a four o’ clock and then to a rose, the most beautiful, most fragrant, most endurable of plants.
At various times, I became your gardener and tilled the soil, manuring it with love, patience and granules of wisdom that helped you form deep roots that probed the depths to find your meaning. You did not disappoint! The smile that is all encompassing; the energy that is directionally positive; the humility that always seeks the good; the wisdom to make sound choices for yourself and your family. You will never find anyone who can parallel the deep love, respect, and understanding that I have for my daughter, my constant, my Flower of Life! All the love!
DADDY
Needless to say, that note accelerated my heart’s healing. After I received that note, my wallpaper started rotating again with one exception – my Daddy’s picture now pops up once or twice a day, and then it goes back to that day’s wallpaper. And every time I see him pop up, I can’t help but smile because he has the biggest smile ever in the wallpaper picture. The funny thing is his picture often pops up when I am cussing & fussing about something. LOL. Hmmmm….
[Note (this will be significant as the story continues): My stepmother was the love of my Daddy’s life! I’ve spent more time with her recently and learned she isn’t sleeping well. That is understandable, having slept next to your person for 41 years, now sleeping alone. Oddly, though, she wakes up around 3 AM or so every morning.]
I spent Christmas Eve with my stepmother and siblings so we could do our Secret Santa exchange. I took my gifts from my stepmother home to open on Christmas. On Christmas Day, at 3:20 AM, my Daddy’s picture popped up on my phone when I would usually be asleep. I thought it was strange, but I said, “Merry Christmas, Daddy,” and went to bed. I woke up to my daughter Zari's picture as my daily wallpaper. She was the apple of my Daddy’s eye. When I went to open my stepmother's gifts, I noticed my Daddy's picture was on my phone AGAIN. So, I just chuckled & opened the gifts. One of the gifts was a bottle of Hendrick’s gin, which I’d introduced my stepmother to on a trip to Mexico. As I told my sister Mary the backstory of why my stepmother gave me Hendrick’s for Christmas, I said, "I just love her." And I kid you not: the lights started flickering in my house, and the electricity blinked off & came back on (so the clocks were flashing, you know). I looked down, and my Daddy's picture was replaced by my fur baby Darla [instead of going back to Zari’s picture]. So, I texted my Aunt Darla to check on my Uncle John (the youngest of the four Godfrey boys), who’d been battling cancer as well.
My Uncle John had been at my Daddy’s memorial service. Despite going through chemotherapy, he was looking good and sounding strong. He was hospitalized soon after returning home but got better and went home. He was texting, “Unc is good. Headed home.” Then, soon after that, my Aunt Darla said he would likely be transitioning soon. Huh? Just like that? He, too, was losing his battle with cancer. And on December 26, 2024, only 53 days after my Daddy’s passing, my Uncle John went to be with God.
Coincidence? No way. Too many things align for it to be a random coincidence - the behavior of my phone's wallpaper, the specific three pictures that showed up on Christmas Day, the timing of my Daddy's picture showing up, the timing of the lights flickering, etc. As one of my dearest clients says, "Make it make sense." Some people say it's just God giving you the comfort you need when you need it. Okay. I can respect that, too. However, I didn't need comfort in that moment on Christmas Day. I was full of joy.
Anyway, when it comes to Daddies, let me tell you, Octavia and Bill Godfrey raised four strong, genius, stellar men who are, and were, the most excellent Daddies anyone could ask for. They are not perfect, of course, but my siblings, cousins, and I all know, without a doubt, that we are loved by all four of them.
I worry about my uncles, Buck and Frank, because they take responsibility and family seriously. So, as the two oldest, I cannot imagine the plethora of feelings they are dealing with, having lost their two baby brothers in less than two months. To them, I say, “It’s okay not to be okay. Let us hold you up like you’ve always held us up.”
As in my original post, I encourage you to make the time to tell your Daddy, “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” “I forgive you,” “I need you,” “I miss you,” or whatever else you need to say TODAY. Tomorrow is not promised to us, not just in death; it could be brain injury, amnesia, dementia, coma, or anything that changes your Daddy into someone you don’t know, can’t communicate with, or who doesn’t remember you. Please don’t put it off any longer. We make time for what is important to us. So, if not now, then when?
