In my practice, I've been amazed to learn how many people do not really know who they are. I've come to realize that most of us define who we are by what we do, what we have, the degrees we hold, or other external measures. I can honestly say that I have spent a lifetime building, salvaging, repairing, and rebuilding my sense of self. It is definitely not a revelation that we come to overnight.
The other night, I challenged a group of my students to define who they are. I got a lot of different looks from each of them -- ranging from bewilderment to baffling to fear and confusion to “Heck no! I'm not going to do that.” When looking at, or within, ourselves, we have to take an inventory of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the fantastic. By embracing all parts of who we are, we become whole. We, then, lose the need for external completion. So, to help my students understand what I was asking of them, I used myself as an example. I showed two separate PowerPoint slides that I use when I'm introducing myself to a new group of students, typically. One is titled “Who I Am” and the other is titled “What I Do.”
Who I am changes fluidly, yet stems from a definite core being. I am a whole, powerful, intelligent, physically unfit, emotionally open, spiritually sound, black female with the gift of discernment, who has been to Hell and back more times than most, yet remains compassionate and believing that:
God is my Lord and Savior and it is crucial to be obedient to his plan for me
All children should have a voice in the world
Sex is not currency
Love does not conquer all
We must accept all parts of ourselves to be whole
“Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not promised; so, today is all we really have.
What I do:
Mom
Wife
CASA volunteer
College Instructor
Registered Nurse (Atlanta Public Schools, Black Amateur Rodeo Circuit, USAFR Mental Health Nurse)
Doctoral Student
Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice at Perfect Peace Counseling Center with specialty training in Christian Sex Therapy, Distance Counseling, Hypnosis, and Equine Facilitated Psychotherapy.
You can add daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, friend, etc. to that list; but none of those define who I am. Who I am enhances my ability to do the things that I do.
In finding yourself, imagine that you were the only person on the planet. Who would you be? Without titles, who would you be? If you weren't a parent, a student, or a spouse, and you simply existed in the world, who would you be? Standing naked in front of your God, who are you? For what do you stand? In what do you believe? Your sense of self determines how you act, what you will and will not tolerate, and what you stand for. When you know who you are you are, you are able to fill your own love tank, enjoy your own company, and soothe yourself. When you know who you are, there is a confident stability on which you stand when facing adversity in life. You can always change things about yourself; but hopefully, you will make those changes because you want to, not because someone else wants to change you. Once you know who you are, you can decide if you like yourself or not. You can decide if you're good enough. You can decide how much you are worth in life. When people meet you and understand who you are, they will either like you or they won't. You cannot change or control other people’s opinions about you. When you know who you are, and believe in yourself, other people's opinions don't seem to matter as much, however.
So I challenge you to open your eyes, open your heart, and open your soul to look at all the different parts of yourself and define, for yourself, who you really are.
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