On Being A Therapist - Part 1

It's 7AM, Saturday morning; and I wake up with my little granddaughter stretched across the bed with her feet pressed into my stomach. She looks so peaceful when she's sleeping. Her innocence starts my day with a beautifully quiet HOPE. I hope that my clients can find a peacefulness as deep. As I lay there quietly, I pray for my family, my boyfriend and his family, my clients, and myself. I pray that God will guide me through each client hour - soften my heart to my clients pain, clear my mind to understand their thoughts, open my ears to hear the feelings beneath the feelings, and awaken my spirit of discernment so that I may be in tune with those things left unspoken. 1 hour down, 16 more to go.

From 8 to 9AM, I take care of my "activities of daily living," do my hair, take my medication, and pick out what I'm going to wear. I mean, I know it will be jeans and a T-shirt. But, will it be dark jeans, light jeans or black jeans? Will it be a Dallas Cowboys t-shirt, a horse t-shirt, or a plain V-neck t-shirt? Will I wear one of my 12 pairs of cowgirl boots, a pair of flip flops, or my clear Converse sneakers with some crazy socks? No suit, no skirt, guaranteed. I must be AUTHENTIC just as I ask my clients to be. Now that I'm dressed, I'm ready to go; so I grab my dog, Josey, and head out the door. 2 hours down, 15 more to go.

9 to 10AM, I gas up the car, get some breakfast, get some coffee, and head to the office. I get inside and turn on the lights and the peaceful lobby music. Then, my heart actually flutters as I head back to my personal office. I absolutely LOVE what I do so I get excited every time I open the door to my therapy space. Turn on the white noise and the computer. Make sure I have paper and pens. Get Josey some water. Unlock the file cabinet, grab the first file of the day, and do a quick review. 3 hours down, 14 more to go.

From 10 to 11AM, there is anger, frustration, and tears. "I don't know what to do," the client says. She's looking to me to tell her what to do. "You have the answers," I think, "I just need to help you find them." I wish she knew her own POWER. 4 hours down, 13 more to go.

From 11AM to 12PM, there is restricted joy. "I'm feeling better," the client says. Yet, there's only a hint of a smile. It saddens me that she's still afraid that she won't be good enough. "Why can't you see your own value?", I think to myself. I wish she would BELIEVE in herself. 5 hours down, 12 more to go.

From 12PM to 1PM, there are some deep wounds bleeding and I watch the life being drained out of a couple who are still in love. Part of me wants to beg them to fight for their marriage because LOVE is so precious. But it's not my place to say. I can't want more for my clients than they want for themselves. I can see the desperation in their eyes, begging each other, "Please don't hurt me again." While their tears stream down and drip on their folded arms - a stance of simultaneous strength and weakness, hope and fear. I bet if they hugged each other right now, they would crumple in each other's arms. As much as I want to help them restore their marriage, I have to know that they are committed to the process and the hard work it will entail. I'll be praying that they can have mercy on one another. 6 hours down, 11 more to go.

From 1 to 2PM, there are little laughs trying to cover tears. "Her tears don't mean anything," he says. "Yes, they do," she whispers. "Yes, they do," I say with conviction. My heart goes out to her - she seems so defeated - her tears are not seen as important and the pain in her voice is not heard. What has happened after 20 years to get you two to this place? And then, as I watch their dynamic, I begin to see it clearly. He's hard, she's soft. He's rigid, she's flexible. He doesn't bend, she bends until she's broken. He's concrete and logical; she's abstract and emotional. I have to help them find BALANCE. I feel responsible. They are trusting me to guide them in the right direction toward fixing what's broken. I take that very seriously. 7 hours down, 10 more to go.

It's 2PM and it's time for lunch. I'm not really hungry though. Well, I'm a little hungry but I'm too tired to eat. I have notes I should probably write but I'll do it later. My heart is heavy. There have been a lot of tears this morning, a lot of hurt, anger, and frustration. Yeah, one client is making progress but it's only a little. A little is better than none, remember, Dr. Godfrey. I've got to come up with some more homework that's going to push her further out of her comfort zone. What about the new clients? One couple was a referral from a colleague - why? Am I really that good? What if I fail them? What if I can't help either of those couples fix their brokenness? You've been successful since you started practicing. RELAX. You're only the guide. It's up to them to do the work. I want them to do the work. I want them to be genuinely happy. Damn! It's almost 3 o'clock already?! I better go to the bathroom before my next client. 8 hours down, 9 more to go.