I visited my brother, Robert, and sister-in-law, Beth, this
weekend in California; and as always, was amazed by how wonderful they are as
parents. They have 3 biological children and adopted my granddaughter, their
grandniece, as a fourth without hesitation. So, they have 4 children – ages 10,
8, 6, and 3. My brother works outside the home as a project manager and my
sister-in-law is a stay-at-home mom who does it all. They are the busiest
little crew I have ever seen. My nieces and nephews are home-schooled, play
several different sports, play piano, participate in academic competitions, and
the three oldest were just baptized today.
I don’t know how they do it! They really ENJOY being parents!!
I have asked Beth to write a book, repeatedly, and she just laughs me off – as though
she is not doing anything special. Well, I beg to differ. Parenting takes more
than a lot of people may realize. I know I didn’t have the full picture when I
became a parent. And I am one of the few people who will admit that, despite
the incredible love I have for my daughter, I didn’t enjoy my parenting
experience and would not choose to do it again. I pulled my hair out with ONE
child. Robert and Beth very rarely raise their voices with FOUR!
Being a parent means you have accepted responsibility for
the life of an innocent child who will not survive without you. And that responsibility
requires a lot more than simply food, clothes, and shelter. Beyond those basic
needs, a baby needs to be touched, held, and interacted with. Babies need to be
nurtured, protected, and taught every day that they breathe air. Children need
structure and discipline – rules and consequences. Then there is 12 years of
helping with homework. Parenting requires that you give guidance and advice so
your children can survive on their own in adulthood.
Babies grow into adults. What type of adult they become
depends quite heavily on how they are parented. As I say in my book, Soul Graffiti: What If Your Mother or Father
Was Wrong?, children come to us with their souls as clean slates. What we
write on their souls can be good or bad – either way, it will stick because when
an opinion comes from our parents, it is perceived as truth. I’ve seen what
happens when crap gets written on those tiny innocent souls. I see those broken
adults sitting on the couch in my office still hurting, still longing for a
parent-child relationship, still questioning their worth, still doubting their
abilities, still wanting to be loved, still needing validation – stuck in their
mid-life, depressed and unfulfilled, because they never got a solid life
foundation from their parents that said, “You are good enough and you are
lovable just the way you are.”
So, I watch Robert and Beth do the things that ADD to a
child, not take away. I watch them do family Bible Study. I watch them live and
teach by example. I watch them enforce discipline that teaches a lesson without
breaking the spirit. I watch them read to their children. I watch them listen to
their children read to them. I watch them limit the TV and electronic time
instead of allowing gadgets to entertain, and babysit, their children. I watch
them, not just dry their children’s tears, but seek a genuine understanding of
why their children are crying. I watch them teach etiquette and respect. I
watch them shower their children with verbal affirmation and physical affection.
I watch them make healthy meals and eat together as a family. I watch them
enforce a healthy bedtime and, actually, tuck their children in at night. I watch
them play wholesome games with their children. I watch them exercise with their
children. I watch them encourage their children to think and make the right
decision in life situations. I watch them teach their children the importance
of family and the importance of loving one another as siblings. I watch Robert
and Beth remember to be affectionate and loving towards each other so their
children will know what a healthy, loving relationship looks like. I watch them
sacrifice their time, energy, and money to make sure that they provide the best
lives for their children. I watch them pray with, and over, their children. Most
importantly, though, I watch Robert and Beth, not just teach their children
about Christianity, but support their children in having a personal
relationship with, and knowing, God for themselves.
Today, I watched my brother baptize his three oldest children
and I could not hold back the tears. I was so proud of him, as a father, in
that moment. The love he felt for his children was easily evident in the air
and in the baptismal pool. Beth’s face and eyes were full of love, too, as she
looked on. Hearing my nephews and niece proclaim God as their Lord and Savior
warmed my heart. Knowing that they really know God, and want God to lead their lives
[like their father and mother], brought me peace and comfort. I know, no matter
what happens in their lives, God will never fail them. He has kept His arms
around my daughter, even as she made some of the worst decisions of her life,
and brought her back to Him. And He will keep His arms around Robert, Beth,
Joshua, Johanna, Caleb, and Zayda because, in their home, they serve the Lord.
