Parenting

I visited my brother, Robert, and sister-in-law, Beth, this weekend in California; and as always, was amazed by how wonderful they are as parents. They have 3 biological children and adopted my granddaughter, their grandniece, as a fourth without hesitation. So, they have 4 children – ages 10, 8, 6, and 3. My brother works outside the home as a project manager and my sister-in-law is a stay-at-home mom who does it all. They are the busiest little crew I have ever seen. My nieces and nephews are home-schooled, play several different sports, play piano, participate in academic competitions, and the three oldest were just baptized today.

I don’t know how they do it! They really ENJOY being parents!! I have asked Beth to write a book, repeatedly, and she just laughs me off – as though she is not doing anything special. Well, I beg to differ. Parenting takes more than a lot of people may realize. I know I didn’t have the full picture when I became a parent. And I am one of the few people who will admit that, despite the incredible love I have for my daughter, I didn’t enjoy my parenting experience and would not choose to do it again. I pulled my hair out with ONE child. Robert and Beth very rarely raise their voices with FOUR!

Being a parent means you have accepted responsibility for the life of an innocent child who will not survive without you. And that responsibility requires a lot more than simply food, clothes, and shelter. Beyond those basic needs, a baby needs to be touched, held, and interacted with. Babies need to be nurtured, protected, and taught every day that they breathe air. Children need structure and discipline – rules and consequences. Then there is 12 years of helping with homework. Parenting requires that you give guidance and advice so your children can survive on their own in adulthood.

Babies grow into adults. What type of adult they become depends quite heavily on how they are parented. As I say in my book, Soul Graffiti: What If Your Mother or Father Was Wrong?, children come to us with their souls as clean slates. What we write on their souls can be good or bad – either way, it will stick because when an opinion comes from our parents, it is perceived as truth. I’ve seen what happens when crap gets written on those tiny innocent souls. I see those broken adults sitting on the couch in my office still hurting, still longing for a parent-child relationship, still questioning their worth, still doubting their abilities, still wanting to be loved, still needing validation – stuck in their mid-life, depressed and unfulfilled, because they never got a solid life foundation from their parents that said, “You are good enough and you are lovable just the way you are.”

So, I watch Robert and Beth do the things that ADD to a child, not take away. I watch them do family Bible Study. I watch them live and teach by example. I watch them enforce discipline that teaches a lesson without breaking the spirit. I watch them read to their children. I watch them listen to their children read to them. I watch them limit the TV and electronic time instead of allowing gadgets to entertain, and babysit, their children. I watch them, not just dry their children’s tears, but seek a genuine understanding of why their children are crying. I watch them teach etiquette and respect. I watch them shower their children with verbal affirmation and physical affection. I watch them make healthy meals and eat together as a family. I watch them enforce a healthy bedtime and, actually, tuck their children in at night. I watch them play wholesome games with their children. I watch them exercise with their children. I watch them encourage their children to think and make the right decision in life situations. I watch them teach their children the importance of family and the importance of loving one another as siblings. I watch Robert and Beth remember to be affectionate and loving towards each other so their children will know what a healthy, loving relationship looks like. I watch them sacrifice their time, energy, and money to make sure that they provide the best lives for their children. I watch them pray with, and over, their children. Most importantly, though, I watch Robert and Beth, not just teach their children about Christianity, but support their children in having a personal relationship with, and knowing, God for themselves.

Today, I watched my brother baptize his three oldest children and I could not hold back the tears. I was so proud of him, as a father, in that moment. The love he felt for his children was easily evident in the air and in the baptismal pool. Beth’s face and eyes were full of love, too, as she looked on. Hearing my nephews and niece proclaim God as their Lord and Savior warmed my heart. Knowing that they really know God, and want God to lead their lives [like their father and mother], brought me peace and comfort. I know, no matter what happens in their lives, God will never fail them. He has kept His arms around my daughter, even as she made some of the worst decisions of her life, and brought her back to Him. And He will keep His arms around Robert, Beth, Joshua, Johanna, Caleb, and Zayda because, in their home, they serve the Lord.