What's Love Got to Do With It?

Love is a term similar to abnormal, meaning that its definition is subjective.  What love is to me may not be what love is to another person.  There seems to be a general consensus, however, that love is hard work.  Again, another subjective concept, "hard work."  What is considered hard work differs between individuals.  Most people would say that mucking a horse stall (cleaning out all the pee and poop) twice a day is "hard work."  Some days I would agree.  On other days, it's not as bad as you think.  It is something that has to be done to take care of the horse.  The animal should not be subjected to less than hygienic conditions; and it is the owner's responsibility to provide the best environment possible for that animal.

So, what about people who are in love - whether married, cohabitating, dating, partnered, whatever - whose responsibility is it to make love work?  Does the responsibility fall on one person?  Is it 50/50, 20/80, 40/60, 90/10?  Does the person who makes more money become responsible for "keeping the love alive?"  Does the stay-at-home-parent become responsible since they are home all day?  And what if one member of the relationship hurts or betrays the other - does it then become his or her responsibility to "fix" things?  What if the two people have different ideas about what love is and what it should look like?  How do you find compromise? And what if one member of the relationship is so damaged that he or she no longer believes in love?  Can it be re-created?  Can it be learned if you start off as "just good friends?"

These are all thoughts and questions that I ponder as I have discussions throughout the day with people trying to figure out what love is all about and if it's all that it's advertised to be.  I guess, like so many things in life, love is what you make it.  If you are unhappy in a love relationship, you can either change your picture of what you think your relationship should look like OR you can change from the person you are with to a different person.  You absolutely cannot change or control anyone other than yourself.  So, you kinda' have to figure it out for yourself - based on your wants, needs, and desires.

Are you getting the love you want, need, and deserve?  Are you staying in an unhappy situation because you are afraid of what people will say?  Are you staying in a situation that you believe in your heart can get better despite all the naysayers around you?  Trust yourself and be honest with yourself and your partner about what you need.  He or she will either fulfill those needs or not.  Once they know what you need, however, their response will tell you bunches.