Do you believe in fairytale love?

Do you believe in fairy tales?  As children, we are brought up hearing fairytales and short stories about bears that talk, little girls who fall down rabbit holes, Prince charming, and many other magical stories. Little girls, more than little boys, are led to believe that love ends in "happily ever after." Little boys are taught that they will be able to ride in on their white horse, sweep the Princess off her feet, and they too will live "happily ever after." We read the stories and watch the Disney movies and get a terrifically warm feeling inside. We grow up believing, or at least hoping, that we will live a similar fairytale.

Then, life happens. We learn that love doesn't come from a kiss that wakes you. Love doesn't come in the form of a glass slipper. Love often presents itself like a sheep in wolf’s clothing. At other times, love may present as the beast that turns into a prince. Lately, it has saddened me to watch women spinning their wheels looking for the prince underneath the form of the beast. My best friend, Lisa, said, "We [women] are taught to see the potential inside [a man] and to nurture that potential. Unfortunately, we don't know when to give up." So, in the midst of our nurturing and caring and "loving them through," we lose ourselves.  Once we forget who we are and what really matters, resentment begins to fester.  At whom can we legitimately direct that resentment, however?  Giving up your dreams, your wants, your desires, and your needs is a choice.  Saying, “no more,” “enough is enough,” or “I want more” is a choice as well.

You see, people will only do to you what you allow them to do to you.  People will only respect your boundaries and meet your standards if you stand firm on them.  Everyone has their limits.  Knowing your limits is important.  Self-awareness will help you better relate to your significant other.  In understanding who you are, what you deserve, and what you expect, you are better able to determine how you will and will not allow yourself to be treated.  You are also able to determine how much you will give.  If your love tank is not being filled, though, you will have nothing to give.  So, soak up all the love you can today because tomorrow is not promised to any of us.

Am I saying that love is not real?  Absolutely not.  I still believe in love.  I believe in its purity, its softness, its gentleness.  I believe that falling in love can be amazing and romantic.  I believe that true love can take your breath away, render you speechless, make you laugh, make you smile, and even make you cry.  True love is strong and fragile at the same time. It is deep without drowning you. It is hot, fiery passion and cool, serene calm. For me, love is red; smells like roses; tastes like champagne & white chocolate covered strawberries; sounds like passionately quiet whispers right close to my ear; feels like a dip in the hot springs at the base of a Costa Rican volcano; has a shape that conforms to wrap around my heart; and can be seen whenever my man and I are together - whether holding hands as we walk on the beach, cuddled up together watching the sunset, or sharing our morning coffee before a busy day.

When two people share a mutual love for one another, they are kind to one another.  They are gentle with each other’s hearts.  They pay attention to each other’s needs, wants, and desires.  They create a space of safety and longing – a space in which they exist together because they want to be together. They wake up asking themselves, "What can I do to make my love happy today?"  

What’s deeper than loving someone and being loved in return?  Knowing that the person you’re in love with WANTS to love you back.  And how will you know that he or she WANTS to love you?  You will observe it through his or her actions towards you.  You will see it in the way he or she looks at you.  You will feel it in your belly when he or she makes you laugh.  You will feel the warm electricity on your skin when the two of you touch.  It will almost hurt to say goodbye.  That’s when you know that you WANT to love someone or that someone WANTS to love you in return.  You may long for them all day.  You may dream about them at night.  It may seem like life doesn’t slow down until you are in their arms – protected from pain, from judgment, from loneliness.  But, most importantly, when you are in you lover’s arms, you are still you.  You have not had to compromise who you are to be there, to be accepted, to be valued, to be loved.  All you have to do to receive true love is to breathe and be open to embrace it.

This is not a fairytale.  This kind of love has to exist somewhere in this universe.  It is not loud or overbearing.  It can come from any man or woman – perhaps one that you didn’t even expect.  It is not forceful and doesn’t have to be created.  It gets you excited and makes you hot.  This kind of love simply has to be experienced and appreciated. You never have to question TRUE LOVE because you will hear it said and see it demonstrated; but even beyond that, you will feel it in the depths of your soul - like the rhythmic synthesis of two breaths and two hearts during tantric lovemaking. I hope we all get to experience that kind of love at least once before we leave this planet.