Why Is It So Hard to Say, "I'm Sorry"

“I’m sorry.”  Two very simple words.  Yet, many of us choke on them as we try to say them.  Why is it so hard to say, “I’m sorry?”  Is it because we are admitting fault?  Is it because we feel weak?  Is it because we feel stupid? 

My boyfriend and I had a misunderstanding.  I blamed him and he blamed me.  In the end, I saw his point, and knew that I owed him an apology.  However, I continued to talk about what he did and did not do as well – as though he owed me an apology too.  And he asked me, “ Why can’t you just say ‘I’m sorry’ and be done with it?” 

So, why couldn’t I?  I can only tell you what was going through my head and heart as this discussion played out.  I was thinking to myself: “ What an idiot you were,” “Uh oh, you’ve done it now,” “You really screwed this up,” “ Why couldn’t you have been more patient,” “ Why didn’t you explain yourself better,” and the list goes on. In my heart, I felt pain, shame, fear, and disappointment [in myself]. 

The last thing I ever want to do is hurt my boyfriend. I love him. Why would I want to hurt him? But that's exactly what I did through both my actions & my words. So, I could either keep going down the path of destruction I was on or I could humble myself and apologize. I chose to say, "I'm sorry" and to take ownership of what I had done. I chose to hold myself accountable for how I had let my boyfriend down and admit how I could've handled things differently.

Those two words made all the difference. The argument was immediately over and the pain and tension of the moment dissipated. It felt like I could breathe again. And I actually felt good about myself for being woman enough to admit I had behaved badly and that I had hurt the one I love. 

In the end he said he was sorry too because we don't ever want to feel disconnected or angry with each other. We're supposed to love and care for one another. So, in his words, "all is forgiven and all is well." And that does my heart good. In addition, it strengthens our relationship knowing that we are willing to apologize instead of letting a misunderstanding break us apart. We are worth that much to each other.

Next time you find yourself choking on the words "I'm sorry" stop and ask yourself why. Then ask yourself if it's worth it not to say "I'm sorry." I bet you'll lose more if you don't.