You Are Too Nice

How many of you feel like, or have heard that, "you are too nice?"  What is that exactly?  What does that mean?  Does it mean that you are altruistic? Weak?  Naive?  Clueless?  A pushover?  A doormat?  Or does it relate more to the misperceptions or envy of others regarding the "nice" person?

Perhaps, "you are too nice" means that you are unbelievably generous and kind; but because there are so few people left like that on Earth, people perceive you as being "too good to be true."  There are people on this planet, believe it or not, that still genuinely want to help others and are looking for absolutely nothing in return!  Can you believe that?!  There are actually genuine people on Earth who will selflessly do something for another person without a second thought and will do it with no hidden agenda or ulterior motive.  The sad thing is, however, that we experience that depth of kindness and generosity so rarely, that it doesn't seem real when we do.

What I am talking about is an actual measurable personality trait - usually identified as agreeableness.  For those of us that are simply natural givers/nurturers, taking care of others is as easy as walking or breathing.  For us, being kind, sympathetic, selfless, compassionate, etc. are all natural responses to other human beings who may be in need.  Sometimes, the other person doesn't even have to be in need [in a crisis sense]; we simply do something or give something out of the goodness of our hearts.

As genuine as our efforts and sentiments are, we are often perceived as being manipulative and/or using our generosity to ingratiate ourselves to others.  Nine times out of ten, that is the farthest thing from our minds.  People who really know us, for who we are, know that the kindness we share with  others comes from a very vulnerable, soft place that cannot be contained easily.  There is not an emotional Tupperware or Rubbermaid container strong enough to hold it all inside.  It can actually be painful not to help, even when we get hurt and decide: "That's it!  I'm not giving of myself anymore!"

I encourage anyone and everyone out there who scores high on the "agreeableness" scale to love yourself for your sheer uniqueness.  We are a rare breed that provides a place of respite for those that are weary, broken, or disheartened.  Sometimes, all someone needs is a small act of kindness to put a smile back on their face or to give them enough hope for one more tomorrow.  Sometimes, NOT being crapped on or dismissed adds a sense of value or self-worth to the sad and disillusioned.  To anyone who has taken advantage of, hurt, mistreated, or abused one of these kind, selfless givers: SHAME ON YOU!  To the selfless givers: I know you have been hurt at times and I know you have felt like you were running on 'E'; but I applaud you.  I applaud us!  There is absolutely nothing wrong with living life this way, until........

• You are giving so much that you have nothing left for yourself - no money, no time, no energy, no joy, etc.
• You realize the person or people are taking advantage of your kindness or are mistaking your kindness for weakness.
• You are giving to or doing for others begrudgingly or expecting something in return.
• You get your heart broken because you realize that, even though you were never looking for anything in return, you are the ONLY one in the relationship being nice at all; and you are actually being mistreated or abused.
• You decide that you want to change this particular personality trait for whatever reason.

IF, God forbid, we actually get to the point where we really do not want to be this way anymore, we need to ask ourselves WHY.  Stop a moment and think about why you are tired or empty.  Think about what you really need to refill your tank - is it to stop giving or is it to get a hug from a friend?  Think about how you have felt in the past, or may feel in the future, if you walk away knowing that someone needed you and you had enough in your emotional arsenal, pantry, gas tank, or bank account to help; but, you CHOSE not to.  Personally, I feel worse then than when I just keep giving.  As Jesus died on the cross, I can only imagine that He had nothing left - emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually - and yet, He still asked God to "Forgive them for they know not what they do."  So, when someone takes advantage of your selfless kindness, forgive them, for they know not what they do.  You, however, must remain true to who you know you are and that is good.